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Perspective

For the first time, I am writing this post right now.  I have several written and partially edited, but today I feel led to write this and get it out.  It won't be polished, but I have faith that it will be the right words for someone.
All my life, I have been a people-pleaser.  The worst punishment I could get was to hear my parents say they were disappointed in me.  Those words cut deeply.  Conversely, hearing someone (especially my Dad) say they were proud of me lifted me up in ways nothing else could.  This is still true today, but I am learning to fight it.  In this world, fully living like a Christian is frowned upon by so many people.  I still want people to like me, but I am learning it is more important for God to like me.  He will always love me, but His approval of my attitude and actions is most important.
If we only care about what others think, we will be disappointed. People's opinions shift like sand, but what God says will always be true.  If we rely on what people think of us, we will live in a state of nervousness and possible depression.  Caring about God's opinion of us frees us to focus on the truly important matters of life.
The Bible has much to say about pleasing God rather than man.  One verse I really love is Proverbs 16:7.  "When a man's ways please the Lord, he makes even his enemies to be at peace with him."  What a cool perspective to have:  When God approves of your life, even your enemies will end up shaking your hand.  (The Message version.)  As long as we keep the importance on what God thinks of our actions, we don't have to worry about others' reactions.
My prayer today, that I haven't been able to stop thinking is, "God, please bless those who like me as well as those who don't.  You love us all the same."  What would the world look like if we stopped caring what people thought of us, and looked only to God for approval?  What if we saw someone who thought the opposite of us, and asked God to bless them?

All In

Last spring I was in a ladies Bible study by Henry and Richard Blackaby.  One week there was a section on praying as a church that really hammered in the importance of regular meetings.  Now, my church has many activities and outreaches, but in all the years as a member, I could not remember hearing about prayer meetings.  How could that be? 

 **I’ll be honest:  even growing up in church did not stop me from being terrified of praying out loud.  When I had to pray in youth group and later women’s groups, I would start to terror sweat and try to think of what I was going to say before it was my turn. **

 After a few days of thinking about how we don’t meet for prayer, I went to the church Facebook page and sent a message about how we should have prayer meetings, even once or twice a month.  I received a reply that it was a great idea and would be passed on.  I read that and thought, “OK good, I have done my part.  Maybe someone will start this.”  Soon after that I was contacted by our minister of pastoral care, whom I had never met but is now a great friend.  He was so excited for us to get started!  US!  Here is yet another time I was terrified and excited at the same time.  We met throughout the summer to plan, and had our first meeting in August.  On the way to the first prayer meeting, the fear left me.  I knew that God was going to use me in this way, even though I felt inadequate.  Knowing I had to get over fear in order to help others really pushed me. 

Over the last year or two, I have realized that if I want to grow, I will be pushed out of my comfort zone.  If I want to be a help and encouragement to others, it means not sitting on the sidelines.  God put us here to love each other and bring glory to Him.  For the second time in a year, I had to totally rely on God’s power to take an uncomfortable step.  He keeps proving to me that each of these steps is worth it.  Hopefully one of these days I will learn to hear God’s voice and just say, “Sounds great. I’m all in!”

Be Still

After a few months of frantically trying to find a job, even overnight ones that would not work for me, I finally got the hint that a job is not what I need right now.  I told God I would wait on His timing and started praying and studying more. The right opportunity will come at the right time, but being patient until then is the key.  That is what I keep telling myself.  I began to understand how Abraham’s Sarah must have felt, waiting around for God to work.  Studying her life led me to Genesis 21:6, and I felt like God was making me this promise: “Sarah said, God has brought me laughter, and everyone who hears about this will laugh with me.”  The joy in her was obvious when, in her 90’s, she had her promised child. Now, I hope God does not wait until I am old and more gray to fulfill this, but it is always a possibility.  I can just picture being so shocked and excited about what He does, my family and I can only laugh.  He is working now, and I can feel it in me. 

Exodus 14:14 is now one of my favorite verses.  “The LORD will fight for you; you need only to be still.”  Once I started being quiet with God more, He started speaking to me more.  Being still is the opposite of easy, but I have found God waiting for me when I am.  He longs to speak when I listen.  The same is true for you.  God wants to speak to you and is at work around you, even when you don’t notice. 

Simply be still and listen.

Just Do It

Learning to listen to God started to become more important to me a year and a half ago. August 2012. My youngest was in Pre-K every day, so I was going to volunteer some and work part time.  At least that was my plan.  When I read about the opportunity to volunteer with hospice through my church, NorthStar, it felt like there was extra light on my computer, shining down to illuminate the words.  I recoiled in horror at the thought.  Volunteer with hospice?  I can’t do that!  That is for people who must be saints!  Ever since we had a hospice nurse for my Mom, I have been in awe of people who could be with hospice.  The nurse we knew had the kindness and patience of an angel, and I do not.

After a sleepless night, I met with my friend to talk it over.  Finally I decided to try training and see how things went.  Yes, there were memories and tears.  There was lots of fear over whether I could do this, but I still really felt led to it. I felt there was something put in me that should be used and not wasted.  My spiritual gift is mercy, and I can show mercy to someone who is at the end of life on this earth, as well as mercy to their family.  I have been where these families are and can help them come out on the other side.

After training, I started going to the nearby facility one morning a week.  If there was a patient whose family wasn’t with them, I would go sit with them.  Hearing stories of their lives riveted me.  They had such clarity at this point in their journey.  One of the first visits is one I will never forget.  The nurses asked me to sit with a woman who did not want to be alone.  All through the night before, she would wake up every 15 minutes or so and scream if she was alone.  The nurses had to go calm her down every time instead of focus on other patients.  I spent a few hours holding her hand, and she gripped mine tight, waking up every 10 or 15 minutes.  When she woke up, she would look at me and go peacefully back to sleep.  Somehow I gave her comfort by just holding her hand.  My heart ached for this woman who felt so alone and so scared. Being able to give a small amount of comfort was humbling.  It made me realize that even when I am not doing anything, God is able to help others through me.

Mark Batterson says, “When you feel unqualified and overwhelmed, you are right where God wants you.”  I alone am not good enough to do this, but that is the important part.  I have to rely on God’s strength to equip me.  God made it clear this is where He wants me, so I had to step out in faith.  Is there an area of your life where you need to move past the fear and excuses and just act?  I encourage you to take that step!  You won’t regret it.

Strain Away

Straining seems to be a good word for my life as a Christian.  One day I am being stretched as thin as possible, in every area of life.  I am pulled in the direction of this world, but feel I need to be going the opposite way.

Some days I see where I need to be and do everything I can to get there.  It looks messy and appears I don’t know what I am doing.  The secret is I don’t know, but I am friends with the One who does.  I have to urge myself to stick with Jesus even when things are scary and the problems I imagined are real and staring me in the face.

Then there are months, and sometimes years, where straining feels so painful.  If there is an unpleasing habit or attitude in me, God allows it to be filtered out of me.  Just like in the kitchen when I separate cooked noodles from boiling water, God uses my circumstances to prepare me for the time I am the right temperature and consistency.  Or like the tea bag I use that allows the tea to flavor water, God uses situations to flavor my life.  He strains me so that any unnecessary pieces fall out, while the good remain. 

As a child (and teenager, and well, adult), I went gem mining.  I paid for a bag of dirt and sifted for the colored stones that were in it.  On the outside the bag looked plain.  But when you took the time to go through it, there were beautiful gems to pull out.  No matter how we feel about ourselves, we must remember that we are made in Christ’s image.  He put aspects of Himself in us that we are to use.  God puts opportunities in front of us to make the most of those attributes.  Whether for work, volunteer, or in our personal lives, we are a certain way for a reason.

Straining is useful in our walk with God.  None of us is meant to stay the same-that causes stagnation.  We need to grow and blossom into someone who serves God.  When I get to the end of my life here on earth, I want to be like that tea bag I mentioned-wrung out with nothing left of use.

Join me as I learn to listen to God and act in a way that He gets all the glory.